One Good Thumping Deserves Another

by Jeremiah Joslin

So what to we do? Russian fighter aircraft fly over an American destroyer, buzzing it, flying on paths that take them within 30 feet of the ship. It’s as though Vladimir Putin is standing in front of Obama and he’s repeatedly poking BHO in the chest, right on his sternum saying, “How do you like that, Barack (thump, thump)? Huh (thump)? How do you like that (thump, thump)? I think you like it. I think you looked at those videos and thought, ‘OMG, another thumping by Vladimir. Yay!’ (thump) You did nothing when I took over Croatia (thump). Then I invaded Eastern Ukraine and (thump) you did nothing (thump, thump). I think you were waiting for me to do it again, so I flew in support for Assad (thump). Then bombed and killed some of the folks you were supporting and supplying to fight Assad (thump, thump). I think you were just sitting here in the White House waiting for another thumping, so here it is. What do you think? Want another thump? Here (thump, thump).”

What should happen today: Obama opens the conversation, “Well, Vlad, I have to admit that these thumps felt pretty good at the start but that spot on my sternum is a little irritated now. Honestly, now I think its time to stop. Anyway, I can travel over to see you guys in the summer and we can go through the thumping again after my spot heals, but as far a testing the will of the American military goes, I think you’ve done enough thumping.

I hate to do this because it’s totally against my essence, but you gotta stop. In fact, you should just leave the Ukraine and leave them alone. They are a sovereign nation, by the way, and I think the rest of the world will support me on this. Be that as it may, these flights over our Navy ships must stop. They have to stop! I have given direction to the military leadership to protect themselves, our people and our equipment by whatever means required. When your planes fly over our ships on what could be considered “strafing runs”, how the heck could we know who might be flying them? Your pilots never responded to our sailor’s request for identification and intentions. Not one word from your guys! I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if the next time this happens a couple of your planes might just bite the dust along with the pilots. Vlad, that would be totally on you – YOU! Now, I’ve told you what might happen and I’ve given you the leeway to prevent this through communication and if any of your pilots die its because of you, not me, not the US Navy – YOU. I’ll be sure that your people know that and we’ll see how they respond. It’s that simple. Oh, I must leave now. I have an important meeting with my Caddy. Talk soon. Oh, yeah, forgot (thump).”

What are the chances that this communication will happen – Zerro? We know that BHO will never go against his “essence”. We know what his “essence” is. It’s Climate Change. Maybe, if we’re lucky, Vlad might get Trumped, or Cruzefied, or Kaischgated. We know, for sure how well being Hillaried works and Sanderization is simply focused on being more like the USSR. Oh, well, we can only pray and vote.